Groceries

I have been trying to figure out how to train Toby to grocery shop. Previously, when he picked that as his contribution, I would bring him with me and ask him questions about how to find things in the store as we went through. I always ended up feeling impatient, annoyed, rushed, and angry - and I'm sure he didn't get much out of it. So I realized that trying to bring him into the major weekly shop for the family is too pressured and overwhelming, for both of us. Today I did a big shop just with Hazel, and left about 10 items from the list. When Toby came home from school, we went to the store and I gave him the list. We had lots of time and my primary objective was to support his learning. I followed him around the store as he looked for the items on the list, and when he saw additional things he wanted, we decided whether he would buy them himself or if they would be part of the family purchase. I said I would be happy to pay for anything marginally healthy, that we don't already have a bunch of at home. We went halvsies on a chocolate cake (his idea). Things went well (although very, very slowly) until Hazel started crying about something - I think maybe Toby gave her a little shove. He lost it, as usual, so there we are in the store with a screamfest in progress. I told them we had to leave, and he started screaming that he needed to buy some more things. I managed to calm Hazel (who had not napped and got a very painful flu shot this morning) and then we were able to get our last two items. We celebrated a successful shop in the car on the way home. Later I explained that if an adult started screaming in the store, security would escort them out, and so if they do that, we also need to leave immediately - it is too disruptive to other shoppers. I think he got a lot more out of this trip than any other grocery shopping trip, the scaled-down goal was a big improvement. Today's experience taught me to limit his list to things I can do without, so if we have to abandon our groceries, it's fine with me. Create a situation in which success is achievable, and focus on the goal (the learning, not the ingredients!).