Homework

I wanted to make this a separate post because it's a totally different topic. Over the past 3 weeks, Toby has started to slack off on school work. One assignment was handed in late, the next one remained unfinished on the kitchen counter for a week past its due date and then disappeared. A project was never completed. Homework sheets were abandoned on the kitchen floor. I was starting to get really concerned but wasn't sure what to do, especially since we were smack in the middle of DNSN. But today I addressed it.

I asked Toby what had ever happened with the project. He said he wasn't sure, that he couldn't do it because I forgot to take him somewhere. I asked if that meant he had not handed anything in, and he admitted that he had not. I asked if he had discussed it with his teacher, and he said no. I said that I had noticed that there had been a few homework assignments that he hadn't done, and asked what he thought about it. Didn't know. I asked if there was anything going on at school that was making it hard for him to do his work, or anything bothering him, and he said he didn't think so. He was starting to get upset and teary. I told him that I wasn't angry and he wasn't in trouble, but rather that I was concerned about him not meeting his school responsibilities. I also told him that I wanted him to know that I try to stay out of his school business because I think it's important for him to learn how to manage his own responsibilities - but that doesn't mean that I'm ignoring it. I am paying attention and I care. I told him that his dad and I are always available to help him work out any problems he might be having, and if he doesn't want to talk to us, there are other adults at school he can turn to. And then I stopped talking.

I did not make him do the old work. I did not make him talk to his teacher. I did not punish him or institute new rules about homework before privileges. What I did was to offer support and demonstrate concern and attention. I suggested that we address this situation the same way we are approaching nutrition - leave it up to him unless things seem to be getting out of control, at which time we could do some problem-solving together. He agreed to this and we were soon playing and laughing together. I felt pretty positive about the interaction and how I handled it, but now I want to see what he does. I wondered if this was a sort of test to see if anyone would notice. It was tough to hold myself back from all the things you think you're supposed to do in a situation like that, discipline, policing, etc. Now I watch my child and learn more about him.