Observations

First day of school. I insisted that he bathe yesterday, after about a week - grumbling about not wanting to get wet. I offered to teach him how to do a sponge bath, but apparently that's still too wet. He waited until bedtime, but did remember to make his lunch with no reminders. He woke up early today, put on clean clothes, ate nothing, and we had time to read together before going out for the bus. He remembered to ask me to set his timer. Minor mishap: he put tonic water in his sports bottle and it flooded his lunchbox. I asked what he wanted to do, but didn't have the chutzpah to leave him all on his own with that one. He learned why the instructions say no carbonated drinks, for sure. So as far as returning to the school year routine, I stayed out of his way for the most part and he took care of what he needed.

Hazel was still asleep when we had to go out for the bus. When I came in, she was sitting in the coat closet in her pajamas, whimpering, trying to put on her shoes. She had looked all over the house for me and now was planning to come look outside. Very capable girl.

She chaired Family Meeting yesterday - she loves to hold the big wad of money before she gives Toby his allowance. When he picked his Contribution, she yelled out, "and I can help you!" It just amazes me, with all the crying that goes on, that they always insist there are no problems. They are in the habit of choosing something that they've done with each person that week and saying "I liked watching a movie with you" or "I liked swimming with you" as their appreciations, the same for each person. That is fine, but I'd like them to branch out a little. Outside of the meeting, I asked them to think about something they liked about each person, and gave some examples of things I like about each of them. Toby said, "that's too hard."

Dan is concerned about Toby being teased for crying a lot, being labelled a crybaby. He wanted to have a talk with him about it, to try to forewarn him for second grade, and prevent it. I said I didn't think he would alter his behavior because of anything Dan could say to him - he would have to have his own experience and choose from there. Dan did bring it up at Family Meeting - Toby looked suspicious to me. My feeling is that even mentioning it sends a message of disapproval and embarrassment, although Dan said, "this isn't a problem for me, I just wanted to give you the information," or something like that. It reeks of the personal prestige issue to me - both what's wrong with the parent of a kid who does this, as well as projecting his own pain about ever being called names. A definite button for me is provoking shame in our children, so I feel acutely aware of a child's potential emotional response to the comments made by a parent. My own projection, perhaps...

Going through a pile of papers, I found a bunch of old PonT notes I had made, sorting through ideas. Very useful stuff - partly to remind me what I want to do, and also to see how far we've come. While cleaning up after themselves is still a huge challenge, bedtime has become wonderful! The torturous nightmare that plagued me for months - and that came from Family Meeting. From inviting the kids to solve the problem. It still feels hard to believe.

I wrote that the screamfests decreased during DNSN, and they immediately returned when DNSN was over. I mentioned this observation to Toby and asked what he thought that was about. No response. Maybe they are taking their frustration at being nagged and venting it on each other? It seems clear to me that I play a role. That's a puzzle I want to focus on more thoughtfully.