Trying new things

My father and stepmother had their 25th wedding anniversary in June. Their gift from us was a professional photography shoot for them with the grandchildren, which took place at our house this evening. The kids had been given lots of forewarning and requests for cooperation to contribute to Grandma and Grandpa's gift. The tension began as I was trying to get them out of the tub to get ready. Then into their clothes. Not eating. Not climbing on the swing set. Not lying on the ground. They did cooperate quite a bit, but it was very hot and humid, the end of a long, no-nap day. When Toby finally got to the point, after lots of coming and going, of refusing to participate in the photos any more, this is what I did, on the spur of the moment. I told him how much it cost us to pay the photographer for the amount of time she was spending with us. I told him how much money he would need to pay me back for the amount of that time he was wasting, when she could not get the shots she wanted because he was not cooperating. At first he just looked puzzled, but pretty quickly got back to the group and the photographer was able to finish up. It felt very manipulative, but I suppose still much better than yelling. He certainly reacted better to this approach.

Later in the evening, there got to be an episode of dual crying/screaming, I think over some apple slices? Or maybe it was bunny crackers. This and a few other provocative interactions, and I wanted to scream at them and shove them in their room and shut the door. But -- I was able to take a deep breath and comment how tough the photo shoot had been since it was so hot and everyone was so tired and impatient. It wasn't instant, but everything de-escalated and most importantly, I managed to avoid making things worse. To stop for a second, see where things were headed, and choose another path - any other path, really.