Playdates revisited

Some time ago, I posted about Toby's P&R for playdates. It just has not been working at all. We reviewed it at Family Meeting last week, and afterward Dan expressed his feeling that it was too demanding, too difficult to achieve. He does not like the idea of Toby missing playdates during the last weeks of summer vacation. At first I thought Toby really only needed to work on the clean-up part of it, the rest was fairly accomplished - but then we had days and days of screaming and poking and pushing. After considering all this information together, I asked the two of them what they thought about a change. Instead of a big P&R for playdates in general, we could start with a small goal that earned one playdate, and then gradually build on that. They both thought this was a good approach to try. We agreed on putting all of his dishes in the dishwasher within 15 minutes of being done with them, and no hurting, for 3 days. These are much, much smaller chunks of the original goals that I hope to progress toward over time. So far today, no hurting but dishes not done. I am holding onto faith that he will get this soon.