Giving thanks

Today I helped in Toby's classroom with a Thanksgiving project. Toby stepped away from his project several times to come kiss or hug me. I suppose it could just be his personality, or our family style - but it could also have something to do with Vicki's story about other mothers asking her how she and her children appeared to actually like each other. I didn't notice any other parents getting kisses in class. For this in my life I am thankful!

Make and serve him breakfast?

So - I had resigned from making or even suggesting breakfasts for Toby, some time ago. Sometimes he ate, sometimes not, I kept quiet. I found a microwave oatmeal he really liked and could make himself, and then he was eating breakfast very consistently for awhile. We had the opportunity to have a conversation about how he feels different in his body at school when he eats in the morning vs. not. But eventually the allure of the new oatmeal waned and he went back to once or twice a week having no breakfast at all. I was dealing with it okay.

Yesterday he had his annual doctor visit, and his weight is in the first percentile (99% of kids his age weigh more) and his height is in the 4th. The doctor was very disturbed about the breakfast thing and really insisted that he eat something before school, and that I make sure it happens. There are more details but I guess this is sliding into the "morally or physically dangerous" area in which we are supposed to intervene. Although we do know several other families in which the kids were tiny and the parents were tormented by the pediatricians - all children of physicians, and all kids who eat a variety of healthy foods. Anyway, I feel frustrated because I know Toby is perfectly capable of bringing a baggie of Cheerios to school to eat, vs. buying a box of Cheerios at school. He likes to use his allowance to buy breakfast at school, and as long as he has the money, he buys it and eats it. But I am not willing to finance this as it costs one TENTH to eat the same foods from home.

I am going to spend a couple of weeks preparing and serving him simple breakfasts, which he can eat at home or take with him. Then I am going to work on gradually having him take over the items one at a time, so he is still eating from home but he is taking care of it himself. Did I surrender that to him too early? The doctor said it is unusual for kids to not want to eat in the morning, when they aren't eating breakfast it is most often because there is no food in the house - but I know from other PonT blogs that plenty of these kids will leave the house without eating if left to their own devices. The difference is, I'm sure, are the kids being presented with something tasty and appealing in front of them, ready to eat with no effort on their part? I would eat every day if someone was doing that for me.

Finding the balance...

Quick update

Things have been running along fairly smoothly here. Screamfests seem to have (knock wood!) died down quite a bit. They are so much less frequent and they are brief. It is a miracle! I really don't know what did it - I spent months leaving the room and closing the door, weeks taking away dessert, and finally sort of decided to just back off?? Everything is just plugging along - we started a different Contributions organization a month or so ago and that's working pretty well. There are two piles of tongue depressor sticks, one with daily jobs and one with as-needed jobs, and we each pick two of each type. The sticks have magnets on the back and everything goes on a magnetic white board, four jobs under each person's name, displayed in the kitchen. The kids are not doing too much on their own initiative but they do a lot with "Yes, As Soon As." Dan has been pretty content with the new arrangement. There is opportunity for trading sticks in the meeting, one of each type. We have had one week of each child planning the dinners! Very entertaining - I prompt for multiple food groups and they pick items to round out the meals. During Toby's week we had pasta three nights out of four.

Lots of different specific situations have come up that seemed interesting enough for the blog, relevant enough in regards to PonT, but I didn't get to it. Here is today's:

We have been planning to cancel our TV service, which we started a month or so ago in connection with getting faster internet service (which was the real goal, but couldn't be accessed without also purchasing the TV). Now that the internet is established, we can cancel the TV and keep the fast internet. I was going to do it today, and before I got to it, Toby announced that there is going to be an AWESOME SpongeBob special on November 11th. The kids knew that our TV service was temporary and was going to be cancelled soon. I told him that I had been planning to do it today, but perhaps we could figure out a compromise. I offered to calculate how much the TV cost per day, then the total for keeping it 9 extra days, and split that evenly with him. If it was worth that amount of money to him to keep the TV long enough to watch this show, then I would be willing to pay half. I asked if that sounded fair, and he agreed. When he found out it would only cost him $5, he was thrilled and thought he got a great deal.