a new experience

While we were on vacation in Mexico, Toby lost his wallet. We had an annoying 3-bus trip back from a park to our hotel, and we think it was left on the second bus while he was distracted playing with our new camera. He had about $20 plus about $4 worth of pesos in it, and it had been made for him by a friend of ours. He tends to carry it in his hand instead of putting it in a pocket, and so he often puts it down.

We went together and asked the person at the tour desk to call the bus company, and gave whatever information we could remember. He held out hope for a couple of days that it would turn up. As the wallet's real loss dawned on him, Toby told me how much money he thought he'd had in it, and "so that's how much you should give me." I responded that when I have lost money, no one gave it back to me. He understood and got very upset for about an hour. We offered sympathy and when he was feeling better, we told stories of awful losses we have experienced (all our belongings packed into a car that got stolen, for example).

He handled it much better than I would have expected. Today he said, "Next time I won't bring my wallet to another country. I'll only bring it if I know I'm going to want to buy something." So he's taking in the experience and processing some learning from it. Amazingly, there was no whining or asking for things to be bought for him. It really seemed like after the initial reality sank in, he resigned himself to the situation and kept moving forward.

Reading Log

About a week ago, a paper came home from school addressed "Dear Parent". It informed me that my child would now be bringing home a Reading Log every night and asked that I make sure he reads at least 20 minutes a night, and records the book title and pages and minutes read on his log. And that I make sure he brings borrowed books back to school. I read the letter to Toby. Over the next few days, I asked him what he was reading each evening, and if he had completed his log. And I noticed an immediate change.

Toby is a huge reader, as I have mentioned before. He will often read a chapter book in one sitting, brings books to read in the car, etc. And as soon as I started meddling in his relationship with books, it changed. He became reluctant to read, would read for the prescribed 20 minutes only, and had to be pushed repeatedly to complete his log. It didn't take me long to decide that this was counter-productive.

I wrote an email to his teacher explaining that he normally reads at least as much as she wanted, if not more, and books that challenged him - but that as soon as the Reading Log began, his reading became a power struggle between us. I wrote, "I don't want to mess up something with my interference, that was working fine without it." I let her know that I would be leaving Toby's reading decisions up to him, that I felt comfortable with his ability and motivation to push himself, without my involvement. I asked her to address it with him, if the log did not meet her expectations.

She said that was fine with her.

Today he read for about an hour and a half.

A successful communication of confidence in my child, a clear demonstration of how our interference can undermine their efforts, and a constructive interaction with his teacher. Win!