Tired out

My week of single parenting is coming to a close - Dan comes home tomorrow. This afternoon was the first sense of getting a chance to sit down and relax, all week. I don't think Toby has used the computer at all since Dan left. Of the contribution choices, Toby had bathroom this week, which is very minimal - and Hazel had kitchen, which for her means helping put dishes in the dishwasher. So I have been doing basically everything and struggling to keep up. It seems like the kids were doing and learning more about contributions before I changed the structure to specific rooms rather than specific chores. This gives the few jobs potential to grow but right now they are on the smaller side, since the kids defined them. I am tired.

Things were rocky this morning, several episodes of dueling crying. I started out ignoring it, but it kept going and escalating to shrieking. I went to them, told Toby to climb on my back, and I picked up Hazel in front, wrapping each of their legs around my waist and each others' legs. As I clomped along, laden with children, they both started laughing and Toby asked where I was taking them. I said, "Away from being upset." That worked for a while. The next time, he was howling and holding his ears - when I reminded him that we had already solved the problem of too much noise, he shrieked that my talking hurt his ears too. I picked him up and put him outside, saying he could rest his ears until they felt better and then come back in. The next time, I went into my bedroom and locked the door. No one came banging on the door, it just eventually died down and I came out.

The compulsion to intervene in sibling conflict feels universal - like the expectation of other adults is that a parent will stop the conflict or do something in the moment to teach them how to resolve it. I am fairly comfortable staying out of it if there are no witnesses - when other adults are in earshot, it feels like their judgement is that I am neglectful or uncaring. I heard my mother with the kids, raising her voice more and more as she tried to mediate between them (over them), and their crying escalating in response. I was actually surprised today at the number of times there was mutual hysteria without either child coming to involve me.

Guess what? They are both crying right now. Toby just ran into his room and slammed the door. Hazel is crying for me to help her climb down from the big bed, which I have told her I won't do because I don't want her out of the bed - she can get out herself if she wants to. She hasn't asked me to come into bed with her. When is Dan coming home again??