Differences

Yesterday we were very busy and occupied, all day until bedtime - but it is still amazing - NOT ONE fest. They had plenty of opportunity, considering the many moments of interaction over the course of the day. And it truly did not seem like they were just stifling them to hold onto dessert - it seemed like they forgot about reacting like that. Mostly it was normal occurrences that passed by uneventfully, as they should, but a few days ago would have produced screaming and crying - and a couple of minor conflicts that got different treatment, more constructive treatment. As I said to Dan the first night, my hope and expectation was just that this would bump them out of the rut of how they had been responding to each other, and they would sort of forget that this had been their routine for the past few weeks. Anyway, even if the fests resume, I had one blissful day of reprieve, and the first headache-free day in a whole week!

Toby also remembered his school project with no reminder or nudging, even with grandparents visiting. I did ask my dad to hold back from initiating any activity with Toby until after the project had happened, if it was going to. He tends to lunge in with ideas and discussions and things he wants to show and teach, which of course Toby loves, and they are engrossed in each other for hours. What I am seeing, and beginning to learn to trust, is that Toby is a last-minute guy. He leaves things until the last possible moment, using up all his time with want-to stuff while his have-to stuff lurks in the shadows. And he does a great job of switching focus just before time has run out, and taking care of whatever it is. This is my total opposite - I can't relax to enjoy anything else until my have-to stuff is done, and I get more and more anxious as a deadline closes in, unless the have-to is completed. So I used to badger him constantly and get so frustrated with him for not attending - but he has a different style that works for him. Now, with this new information, I need to rethink the things I want him to be doing, and how imposing my style undermines his success. I have a feeling reshaping might make all the difference.