It is so frustrating that the feed for the show froze up. I have heard a lot of Vicki on the subject of allowance/money management learning before, so I will describe our experiences with this.
Toby started getting his $6 a week last October, when we started Family Meetings. I think it only took one or two weeks before he chose something to keep it in and immediately put it in there after every meeting. He doesn't spend much and he doesn't often show motivation to go shopping. There have been a few times when he remembered to bring it, when we've gone to a store. The main things he has purchased, 95% of his outflow, are sweet treats. For a while, he was bringing money to school every day to buy an ice cream or a chocolate cupcake after lunch. When we've been at the grocery store, he has bought these huge tubs of candy. This really bothers my husband, but I am fine with his sweets purchases as long as he continues to follow the family rules about when and how much he can eat. Toby has been exceedingly generous with his sweets, to the whole family and to guests as well. We spent some time together doing the math to figure out how many more desserts he could get for his money by bringing the tub candy to school instead of buying cupcakes - got Connection, taught some math, opened up some thinking about value. When Toby has had occasion to buy gifts for people, the way I decided to handle it for now is to give him a certain amount toward the purchase and let him decide whether to buy something that cost more by chipping in himself. He has paid library fines with his allowance and since decided that he's not ready to check books out again yet. Only a few times has he actually bought himself something that he wanted besides sweets. It doesn't seem like he has any consciousness about whether the purchase was worthwhile, if the item broke immediately vs. gave many hours of enjoyment. I see his awareness of prices and relative cost increasing ("wow, that's expensive!"). He basically has several weeks' worth of allowance piled up in his money bag, and no particular plans or desires for it.
Toby was given a doggie bank years ago, that you feed coins into. Dan developed a tradition with him, that when the dog's belly was getting full, they would open him up and put the coins into rolls. We would go together to the bank and deposit them in an account for him. We would take any loose leftover change to the counting machine in the grocery store, and Toby would choose one of the charities listed on the machine to donate that money to. It started when he was very little with Katrina relief, and he told his grandparents, "I gave money to help the people whose houses blew away." Now with allowance, that opportunity for learning about charitable giving has dwindled. He is not so interested in feeding the dog, Hazel seems to be taking that over.
We have not started allowance for Hazel yet, it just seemed like she would rip it up or flush it. But lately, after watching Toby get his at Family Meeting every week, she is definitely interested. I have said to her a few times, "yes, you can get that - as soon as you start getting allowance, you can buy that with your own money." We were planning to start when she turned three, but I don't think it can wait that long. If you had asked me one year ago if anyone in their right mind would give a two-year-old allowance, I would have laughed out loud.
Off-topic: this evening I heard Toby yelling from the other room, "Hazel, get out of that cabinet, RIGHT NOW! Stop! Put that bowl back! I am being nice to you!" ??
Stay On the Couch
5 years ago
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Oi, wish I had advice for you, I can certainly see where your ambiguity comes from. I had also planned on setting up something that involved saving some money, giving some to charity, and having some to spend - more about forming good habits than learning about money from experience. I guess that could still be done, with the "spending" portion being he experiential bit. But maybe it's also about how much they see US doing the same thing, saving and giving away.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think I'd allow Fiora to pick up whatever sweets she wants...wish we'd heard Vicki's take on candy!
I do love how work ethic is set right into the allowance pattern.
I think you can still use the doggy bank and money rolling and such the same way you always did. Just empty the change out of your pockets/wallet at the end of the day and let the kids put it in. Or have a rule that any loose change found in the couch/laundry/car gets fed to the dog. When you bring the cans and bottles back to the store, ask for your money in change and put all of that money into the dog. Those are things we do in our house (we have an alligator bank!)but the money has always gone into his "college fund"- not to charity.
ReplyDeleteI only give half allowance, mostly because we can't really afford more. I agree with Breathbeast about modeling behavior. We give tithing to our church. As soon as the kids started getting money we started teaching about tithing and charitable giving. So if you want you kids to do the same make an effort to give and invite them to contribute.
ReplyDeleteI have a big problem with the candy, too! I had to put my foot down on it. When we go to the store they can buy other things and maybe a small candy something but not the big bag of candy. I can't stand having it around the house. I encourage berries or goldfish crackers...something like that. I also wish we could have heard more about the candy thing from Vicki.
Vicki did a one-for-one thing where her kids put a dollar towards dentist bills for every dollar they spent on candy. She said with the jar clearly visible and accumulating their money, they slowed down on the candy.
ReplyDeleteMy plan for involving Toby in giving is to invite him to participate when we choose our contributions for the year - we do a whole bunch all at once and try to balance them between different kinds of causes. We'll show him all the ones we're considering, ask him to choose a few for the family, and invite him to contribute his own money as well.