Boys like fighting

Lately Hazel has been really into talking about who has a penis and who has a vulva. She was either making some jokes, or some mistakes, not totally clear. So this evening it led into a conversation with Toby about how you can tell who is a boy and who is a girl. He said hair length and clothing colors, and then we talked about people we know who contradict these stereotypes. I asked him if there were ways you could tell besides appearance, like behavior or the things a person likes to do. He responded, "boys like fighting." Now this is a kid who has zero interest in superheroes, knights, guns, war, or any of that stuff - a relatively gentle soul. I asked if he liked fighting and he said no. I asked if he knew any other boys who don't like it, and he named two boys that he plays with at recess most days. He also plays with the girls most days. This led us to talking about friendships based on common interests. It felt like a pretty substantive conversation for a 6-year-old, about sex-role stereotyping and about choosing the people one wants to spend time with. I mostly asked questions and paid very close attention to the answers. Connection plus teaching our values - felt great.

Our Family Fun activity for this weekend was chosen by Toby - the Gross-ology Festival at a nearby children's museum. We went for the festival this evening and there was plenty of interesting stuff for the children. Dan played a game on his phone a lot of the time the kids were involved in the exhibits. After we got home, I asked him how he would feel about, when the kids are older and into hand-held video games, them playing during our Family Fun time. He agreed with me that we would not want that, "and...?" He knew what was coming. I expressed that I think we need to model engagement and interest in what the kids are doing - certainly if we want them to be engaged with the family, we have to be as well. He seemed to think it's not important yet, that he could put his phone away when the kids get to that stage - I totally disagree. The point of the exercise is to connect as a family, not just go through the motions of an activity "together."

It's 9:30, we finished our bedtime routine with the kids about 45 minutes ago. They both said they weren't tired, and they have been coloring in the dining room together since then. They were told they could stay up but that parents are doing our own things now. There have been peals of laughter and no strife at all. Toby was "willing to" make sure she capped the markers and stayed at the table with them. Very nice.

Two technical changes:
- I laminated Toby's checklists so he can carry them through the house, and cross things off with dry-erase markers, as he completes the jobs. He seems psyched about it.
- I made picture cards for five Contributions (kitchen, dining room, bathroom, laundry, and dishwasher/compost). I invited the kids to help make a velcro board with each of our names where we will stick the cards we choose each week. They were both excited to do that.
So we will see how each of these systems work out over the next few weeks, if they have any impact on things actually getting done.