Problem Solving

Follow-up on Problem Solving: at the next Family Meeting, we asked Toby how the week of leaving the room when there is loud noise has been working for him. He said he was still having a problem outdoors, where he couldn't put a wall between himself and the noise (Hazel crying). We went around again and each gave solutions, and again Toby came up with a very reasonable suggestion which we then all agreed to try for the coming week. At first he asked if he had to give an idea - I said no, but then he would only have the ones from me and Dad to pick from (both stupid). So all in all, he did participate in the process. Since I am also using "leave the room when there is loud noise," I have a ready-made excuse to walk out on him when he is crying and yelling.

A few days ago I asked Toby to help me create a P&R for screen time (computer and TV). He listed checklist and set timer. I said I feel it is important to finish screen time by 8:30 p.m. - he can stay up later if he likes but with quiet activities. He was willing to add that to the list. Then I introduced the big R that needs development - cleaning up any previous activity. He agreed to that as well. He wrote everything on a white board that is in our kitchen. When I asked him how many days he thought he should demonstrate these Rs to me to earn his screen time, he said, "why not do it each day?" I told him I was willing to try that and see how it went. The next couple of days were fine.

I am trying out another Vicki suggestion - if I have a problem, make it their problem, to get it on the meeting agenda. Last night, the kids were using the computer, and then the timer went off (at just about 8:30). They were in the middle of a little video and of course he wanted to watch it to the end. I said no, when the timer goes off that means it is time to turn off the computer. He started crying and yelled at me that I had to promise that this same episode of the video would be on tomorrow, so he could definitely see the rest of it. I told him I had no control over that and it was time to shut it off, which I then did. More yelling and crying, then I said I did not want things to be like this, and they don't need to have computer time if it is going to lead to screaming fights. Oh, the reaction! I said no more computer time for the children, and if that is a problem for you, go put it on the Problem List and we can discuss it at Family Meeting. Boom! Off he went and wrote "I have a problem when I can never use the computer." Crisis averted. I am actually looking forward to whatever solution he is going to come up with to solve this, because it has been a long-standing recurrent problem. And more discussion of the Rs of this P.

Since that P&R discussion about spitting, I have not seen ANY. LOVE THAT. Now how can I work this around nose-picking??.....