Charity

Interesting, yesterday was the first time Toby said he didn't want to come to Family Meeting. On Saturday, he had gotten six gold dollar coins from his grandmother for Passover (each cousin got the number of their age), so on Sunday he said he already had six dollars and didn't need to come to the meeting. I made sure he understood that those were a different six dollars, and he would still get his allowance. We told him that no one had to come to the meeting, we would have it whether he came or not - but what would happen if we didn't have our timekeeper? Things could get all crazy. He responded that someone else could do it, but we told him each person had a job already and each person is important to the smooth running of the meeting. Eventually he decided that he would come, and he participated enthusiastically. I was surprised by his lack of interest solely based on money, since he's been so vigorous in his use of the Appreciations board, and that he felt so flush that he just wasn't interested in getting his allowance. I forgot to say that if he wasn't there, we would choose his Contributions for him. That's a big incentive.

Dan and I decided to do a Walk-Against-Hunger fundraiser, and we invited Toby to participate. He agreed, so I set up a web page for him on the organization's site, where people can make contributions to sponsor him and it keeps track of the money he's raised. Seeing it all set up got him motivated, and he was willing to write a personal email request for sponsorship that I sent out to our friends and family:

We are walking 3 miles to rase monny for hongry pepol. Can you pleese send some monny thank-you from:Toby

He also wrote a thank-you email which I have been sending out as the donations arrive:

Thanks for donating monny to walk-agenst-hunger [name]!
From:Toby

He's gotten over $400 in just a few days. So much positive reinforcement for his effort! People are very happy to support a child who is doing something for others. Three miles is a lot for him, so we're planning some "training" to build up his stamina - just like Dad getting ready for his 40-mile/day, week-long bike trip in May. I invited Toby to contribute some of his own money, and he said he had already raised a lot so he didn't need to do that. Then I invited him to sponsor me, since I don't have any sponsors yet, but no luck so far.

On the theme of charitable acts and contributions, I also tried talking with him about what causes might be important to him to support. His favorite animal is the turtle, so we decided to look into Save-the-Turtles organizations sometime.

One area where I am struggling is in trying to decide how much help is reasonable to give. For example, a paper came home from school, addressed to the parents, about a report that Toby has due this Friday. I asked him to read it to me, and asked how he thought he would go about doing it. "I don't know." Okay, I just let that sit - refrained from offering all sorts of suggestions. Days went by, the paper was getting buried on the counter, I knew he had forgotten all about it. I asked him again if he had thought about how he would like to do his report, or how he was going to remember when it was due. Nope. I suggested he give it some thought and said this was the last time I was going to mention it. Days later, still nothing. As I feel myself getting tense about it, I think, the kid's only six years old, he needs some parental involvement, a bit firmer nudging with open-ended questions or something. Then I think, the kid's only six, how bad can it be for him to show up without his report? Better for him to experience it now than in middle school or high school - maybe living the experience will teach him to pay attention to his assignments. I don't know.