Siblings and homework

Some interesting sibling dynamics this evening. Hazel spilled her milk at dinner, and did nothing to respond to that. I kept quiet until they were asking for dessert, and I said, "As soon as the milk is cleaned up, we can have dessert." Hazel didn't make any movement toward cleaning up, and Toby tried to cajole her along. After a few minutes, he said, "I'll help you. You do half and I'll do half." As he was wiping it up, he then said, "Okay, I'll do it all for you, but you have to clean up my mess next time. Now we can have dessert!" Then I asked them to clear their dishes, and again Hazel had no interest in participating. Toby decided to "help" her, by carrying her dishes with her holding one hand beneath the pile as he brought them into the kitchen. Dessert is a huge motivator around here. He remained cheerful throughout all of this, instead of yelling at her as he sometimes does when she is interfering with something that he wants. Hopefully this approach will provoke teamwork rather than resentment. Toby also shared his school Valentines' candy with her, since he accidentally got two chocolate lollipops. He seems to be over the Family Meeting fiasco.

He came home with a backpack full of Valentines' candy (we had missed the last day before vacation when the kids exchanged cards), two homework sheets, and the description of a research project that is due next Monday. Of course the description was aimed at the parents. I asked him what he could tell me about the project, and he didn't know much. He asked me to read the paper and I said I was sure he would be able to read it himself. All those things, plus a mishmosh of papers from school today, are still in his backpack, unaddressed. I asked him what he thought would happen if someone didn't do their project, or if anyone had ever come without it. He didn't think that had happened. I am going to try very hard to stay out of this and see what happens - keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter if the teacher thinks I am a bad mother because he doesn't do his homework - try to keep faith that he will pull it together - SO HARD for me. But he did get his whole checklist done this morning and almost everythign done this evening, so I am going to do deep breathing and let that spread through my being.