On-off-on-off

I'm so excited - it happened. The opportunity arrived for me to invite Toby to write something on the Problem List. Hazel was standing in his way and wouldn't move, as he asked her over and over again, eventually yelling at her and then for me to intervene. I asked what he thought might solve the problem, and he said, "I don't know." I suggested he could put it on the problem list for next Family Meeting. Things immediately got quiet in the other room, and later I saw he had written "H wont lisen." We are moving right along...

I have had several frustrating evenings of Toby not getting started on his list until well after dinner, and getting sidetracked or distracted, and having to work until practically too tired to get ready for bed. Tonight he asked me for help making his lunch. I said yes and set myself up in the kitchen to keep him company while he did it. I said, "oh, look, it's 8:30 - I have exactly a half-hour to be available to you until my parenting lesson comes on." In that 30 minutes, he got two items into his lunch bag. Two. Each time he played with his plastic monkey head, or jumped on the couch, I kept feeling my blood pressure creeping up, but reminded myself it's not my problem. I had noticed how worked up I have been getting over this, and decided to stop asking him to clean up one little thing, or to wheedle a prompt in there undercover. I don't really understand it, but if I decide that I am just NOT going to say ANYTHING about things not getting done - the dirty dishes, the coat on the floor, whatever - then they just don't bother me as much. It's like I am able to divorce myself from the whole situation, but only after I choose not to engage. It doesn't seem like a really sustainable strategy, but for now I'll go with it.

As for keeping moving forward with Hazel, I found myself getting very impatient and frustrated with her in this scenario:
she put on her mittens
she took off her mittens
she put on her boots
she put on her mittens
she took off her mittens
she started to put on her coat
stopped to take off her boots

Here is where I was about to totally lose it - instead I told her I was going outside and she could just come out when she was ready. I brought up the recycling buckets from down the driveway and came back to see how she was doing. She had her coat on and was crying a little. She asked for help with her boots and mittens, and we were on our way. So I averted speaking to her angrily and physically stuffing her into her things against her will. Remember to focus on what I want to be doing, rather than how she is obstructing it.