Exhausted

It is about 7 p.m. I have been having a tough time today. Toby's backpack is outside by the swingset, on the ground, and it's pitch black out. He didn't eat dinner. Laundry that he put in the washer last night hasn't made it to the dryer yet. He hasn't even looked at his checklist to jog his memory about any of those things.

Locking myself in the bathroom when Hazel is crying feels horrible. I suppose she has learned how much I respond to her crying - but it still feels like she's a baby who needs a response to develop a sense of security. Right now she's walking around naked with a stapler in her hand. She said she has to poop so I am afraid to put my attention anywhere else. Locking the kids out when they are hysterical feels like I am telling them to stuff the expression of their feelings, that I am not there for them unless they behave the way I want. It does not feel like being "emotionally available" which is supposed to be the whole point. Earlier today she came out to the car in a shirt and diaper - it is 35 degrees. She wanted her pants pretty quick. I found another big button - wasting time. We were in danger of missing a scheduled activity for her, but not one I have paid for, and it has little value for me - but I was crawling out of my skin trying to get her going out the door. I just couldn't stand futzing around for an hour and a half with nothing to show for it. Maybe I need to focus on using my own time in a way that feels worthwhile and let her time fall where it falls.

I made some initital lists of skills they do, they can do but don't, and that they can't yet do. The ones I picked to make progress on this week are: Toby - putting dishes in the dishwasher; Hazel - getting down from the big bed herself. They have each done these things before but love to insist they can't. To encourage without Interfering Strategies - I could ask Toby HOW he would like to get his dishes clean, or how we can get dinner cleaned up together. I think for Hazel I just have to leave the room and wait for her elsewhere, she'll climb down eventually.

I asked Toby how I should talk to him when there is something I want him to do - he said, "Not angry." Woah, that slaps me right in the face. I asked for more and he said, "just ask me to do it." So later I asked for his help with this, that when I am using an angry voice could he tell me I am doing it, so I can stop and think about it and decide how else to do it? He said he would. I told him I couldn't promise it would always help, but I think it will help a lot of the time. Then I proceeded to politely ask him to clean up about 10 things.

Off to encourage Hazel to get into pajamas.