lunch at 5 a.m.

I figured out that Toby got 6 of his 8 morning jobs done yesterday with no parental involvement at all. He also has an old afternoon checklist:
1. unpack backpack, lunch bag on counter (this means show me all the papers and put his lunch bag by the sink for me to clean out)
2. do homework
3. repack backpack (folder, homework, reading book)
4. practice piano
5. make lunch
6. clear dinner dishes and push in chair
7. weekly contribution

As I said earlier, he has been doing pretty well with this for the last couple of months. The ones that get done very consistently are 1, 2, 3, and 5. The contribution (chore) depends on what it is. And, like the morning, our agreement is that TV or computer time happens after the checklist is completed.

On the evening of Day 1, he asked me if he could use the computer, and I caved - "Is your checklist done?" "Um, yes." Me: "I haven't heard any piano tonight." "Oh, yeah! I forgot about piano." Again, like with the shoe thing and the upcoming snowboarding class, there is a circumstancial reason for my weakness. This Saturday is his first-ever piano recital. My plan for next time is to ask what he thinks, or just say I don't know.

Yesterday afternoon was piano lesson, and our previous routine relies on my getting his piano books into the car. I started the path toward changing that by asking Toby about how they do the date and day in school every morning, so he is aware of the day before piano lessons and the day of piano lessons. When he had confirmed that, I told him the way we've been doing things depends on MY remembering his piano books, and asked him how he thought we could manage it so he is the one in charge of that? He thought for a couple of minutes and said, "I don't want to take my piano books to school in my already-jam-packed backpack." I laughed and said, "It's jam-packed? Well, what's another way you could get your piano books to class, then?" He responded, "I don't know." So I said, "We have a whole week to think about it. Maybe by next class, you'll come up with an idea to try."

There were only a couple of moments of difficulty yesterday - a brief crying jag when I wouldn't buckle Toby's seatbelt for him, and a sibling moment. I heard Toby yelling at Hazel from the other room, and then suddenly she was crying hard. I don't know what happened but they both came running out to me, hollering. I looked at them for a moment, then decided this was the perfect time to bring that big box upstairs. When I came down, it seemed like everything was okay. We put up our first Problem List this week and so far it's empty. Toby mentioned to me last night that there's nothing on it, and his only problem is Hazel crying in the middle of the night. I asked, "is the problem that the noise wakes you up?" He thought and answered, "No. I guess it's not a problem for me."

Last night I made a special soup that both my kids love. Toby wrote on our Appreciations Board, "Mama made harira for us." He also wrote "Dad stayd with us" (when I went to yoga class). We usually eat early because the kids get so hungry, and it would take an hour to get the soup done, but Toby chose to wait since he wanted to have that for dinner. A nice glass of red wine during dinner prep helped me find my sense of humor and enjoy the kids' silliness during that time. Dinner went well, and Toby cleared some of his dishes to the counter. Until this week, that was the extent of his responsibility for getting dishes taken care of. Now they are piling up on the counter there. He has chosen loading the dishwasher as his contribution a couple of times, so he has some experience and training with that - but I guess it hasn't occurred to him yet.

Due to the soup not being premade, it was already a later evening than usual for us. I told Hazel I was running a tub for her, and Toby said he wanted to get in also (yay!). They played around in there for about a half hour, and when I took Hazel out, Toby asked me to add more hot water. "I think you know how to do that safely," was my response. He whined that he wanted me to do it, so I asked, "are you nervous about it?" He nodded, then said, "Wait! I have an idea!" He trned on the cold faucet, then added hot until it was the temperature he wanted, and stirred it around in the tub. Pleased with himself. Later he told me he was ready to get out (meaning, he wanted me to dry him), and I said, "Okay, go ahead. I already put your towel over there which is more than I'm supposed to do." A minute later he popped out of the bathroom in his pajamas.

Dan came home and we read some books. Around 8:30, again, Toby said, "I'm tired, let's brush teeth." Off to bed - but his backpack was on the floor by the front door, untouched since he brought it into the house. He had done his homework while waiting for the piano lesson, but yesterday's lunch was still in there. I held my tongue and he went to bed. During the bedtime snuggle, I asked him how he felt about DNSN week so far. "Good." I asked him if there was anything he had figured out how to do that he didn't think he could do, and he said no. Before I went to sleep, I thought about how I would deal with his losing it in the morning and trying to get the lunch made in a rush.

This morning around 5 o'clock (as most days), Hazel woke me to nurse. She has been on a huge "me do it" kick, especially about nursing. "No help me, Mama! Hazel do it" is her mantra as she yanks my shirt up. If I interfere with her at all, to direct which side or something, she starts howling - which she did this morning. Toby woke up and immediately said, "I forgot to make my lunch." I said, "Oh. Well, there's lots of time since it's still more than an hour before the regular alarm goes off." After a few minutes he got up and said he wanted to do it now. I stayed in bed (amazed and thrilled) as he padded off to the kitchen. Now he's back in bed, lunch made, asking for snuggles! Beautiful.

The big surprise for me so far is how many times Toby has just forged ahead when I tell him I can't do things for him - with no drama! He seems to be finding pride in his own competence and ability, and is taking it very matter-of-factly. I seem to not have the mental energy right now to try to apply these principles to Hazel, since she needs so much. That will come.