Stuck Buttons

I've been feeling kind of stuck on Buttons - I get the buttons, oh boy, but I'm not convinced that the problem is my disproportionate worst-case-scenario beliefs about how these things will play out in my children's lives. I think I just freak out about messes because I can't stand living in a messy environment, it's my own compulsion to have things tidy - and believe me, I'm not even that neat. I tried to play it out and maybe I think a messy person will grow up to be a disorganized and therefore unsuccessful adult? Could be, but I still don't think that's why it gets such an emotional response out of me.

Activating Event, Belief, Consequence, Disputation, Encouragement
If I look at A-B-C-D-E and don't think the B and C are a big deal, then it's kind of like D already happened, and I can go ahead with E. Meaning, if I am aware of my Buttons, can I just step back and remind myself it's not a big deal, and choose to react less dramatically? Is this functionally the same? It saves my kids from my blow-outs, which is the point, yes?

Toby re-created his evening checklist yesterday and made it much longer, by adding things he does every night that weren't on there. He loves to print it in many bright colors. This week he has continued to do several things for himself that were new during DNSN, without comment. Yesterday he put all his laundry away without my saying anything about it. Some of the checklist items are getting skipped regularly though - I'm going to leave that for later, when we get up to Privileges & Responsibilities.

I have been experimenting with Hazel and refraining from telling her to do things. If I just say, "It's time to go," and head out to the car, she puts on her shoes and coat and follows - I usually do not have to tell her to, which had been automatic. She's mostly washing her own body in the bath, and she can get her diaper, pants, and socks on when she wants to. Now that things are calmer than last week, I'm looking for more ways to encourage her to be self-sufficient. Looking for more ways that I have been assuming she can't, when maybe she can.

Another thought on Buttons - part of my concern about people doing want-to stuff before have-to stuff is that the have-to stuff might not get done - and I might have to do it. I'll do some experimenting with those feelings too - if I know I am not going to pick up other people's pieces, then perhaps their choice of priorities won't fire me up as much.